MIDNIGHT CRISIS: Security Council Confronts White Flags

By Liam Scott

NEW YORK (UN Press Corps) - The United Nations Security Council hastily convened a midnight crisis last night regarding the White Flag group, an Iraqi terrorist organization.

According to the delegate from South Africa, the Security Council found a photo of nuclear weapons in the East China Sea, a concerning discovery considering historical conflict surrounding nuclear weapons and the potential for a lack of transparency in regards to nuclear weapons. The council later found that the photo had been doctored by the White Flag Group, whom the delegate identified as “freedom fighters from Kurdistan.” Had the photo been accurate, China would have appeared aggressive and secretive.

The council then found a burner phone. With the burner phone was a paper (pictured above) with the White Flag logo, a blurry map, and a code that when scanned loads an article entitled “No Surrender: ‘White Flags’ group rises as new threat in northern Iraq” According to the delegate from South Africa, the group was motivated to frame China due to its historic suppression of Muslims. The delegate added that they would spend the session deciding how best to handle the White Flag group. Two videos were released anonymously to the group. The videos showed White Flag’s leader (who curiously maintained an Italian accent), taunting the Security Council and saying that they would never find him.

The Council ultimately unanimously supported the following five-step plan in order to combat the elusive terrorist group. First, the council planned to “send spies” as “fake recruits” to infiltrate White Flag. Then, the Council would be able to discover the group’s location and leader. A Russian task force would then capture White Flag’s leaders, bring them to the ICC for interrogation, and then maintain flexibility by encouraging “joint international action.”

The Council began with the first step, but soon ran into several challenges. The group could not decide on whom to send to attempt to infiltrate White Flag. This problem, coupled with unsuccessful efforts to complete the following tasks, were due to the presence of spies within the group.

After much tumult, the spies revealed themselves to be Russia and China. No progress has since been made to stop the White Flag group. According to the delegate from the Ivory Coast, the Security Council has moved on to discuss “post-conflict peace building in Syria.”